Movie Review - Silent Night, Zombie Night

Movie trailers tend to do a good job in giving the viewer a taste of plot, character, and tone. The trailer for Silent Night, Zombie Night also succeeded in doing this. So why am I bringing this up? Trailers can also be deceiving!

After watching the trailer, I was floored - it was filled with zombies, guns, and gore: the staples for a good zombie movie. The movie started off strong - no back story as to why zombies were running amok in town, no medical experiment gone wrong, zombies were just attacking people. From there on, it was all downhill.

Zombies are such a popular villain because they pose an imminent doom and despair. They are infinite and bloodthirsty. The zombies in Silent Night, Zombie Night are the Dodo of the zombie species. Apparently if they can't smell you, they can't see you.

Another problem I had with the zombie aspect was that there were no creative Christmas themed ways they were disposed of. No Home Alone style traps or zombies roasting on an open fire. In fact, the only thing that even had to do with Christmas was one Santa zombie and a few decorations in the houses. What a waste of a great concept.

The story focused around three unlikable characters holed up in a house whose relationship turned out to be a soap opera love triangle. This boring plot over took the momentum of the movie and completely derailed it. From the moment these three are together, you can forget about those zombies, because you'll rarely see them any more.

If you want to see Silent Night, Zombie Night, watch the trailer. That's all you need.

Total Brain Cells Lost: 10 million out of 10 million

Movie Reviw: Robogeisha

It has been said that James Joyce's Ulysses gives such an accurate, in depth description of Dublin, that if the city were to be wiped off the face of the planet, it could be reconstructed down to the very cracks in the sidewalk by reading the book.

Similarly, Noboru Iguchi's Robogeisha would allow every Japanese sci-fi, martial art, ninja, monster, geisha epic to be recreated should some freak Godzilla attack leave the country movie-less.

Robogeisha is a cinematic non-sequitur. While there is a sinister plot driving the movie forward, it drags and loses momentum frequently, caught between absurd fight scenes. A shame because it's actually quite interesting and somehow delves into topics of slavery and human trafficking. But before you get excited about the depth of the plot, don't forget that Robogeisha is an unabashed, over the top action flick that doesn't take itself seriously. The humor in the dialog, whether intentional or a byproduct of bad translation, is fantastic and the action scenes serve as ends to let computer animated blood splatter. From sword fighting to robot fighting to building fighting to deep fried fighting to handicap fighting, there's plenty of fighting to behold. It's completely ridiculous but somehow strangely enjoyable.

This isn't a good movie, but it's not bad either. Watch it with some friends and have fun. Robogeisha is unique even if it is just a lot of drivel.

Total Braincells Lost: 5 million out of 10 million

Thankskilling

Plots for horror movies that are actually inspiring are few and far between. 95% of these plots involve an evil __(noun)__ stalking an intrepid group of __(plural noun)__.

Now, in all fairness, I knew what I was getting into when I put in Thankskilling. The plot consists of a homicidal turkey that is awakened from it's necromantic sleep when a wandering dog pees on a mini-totem pole in the forest. The timing of this significant event happens to coincide with Thanksgiving break and five friends (in the loosest sense possible) embark on an adventure to party.

You can guess what happens next. A bloodthirsty, foul-mouthed (haha but seriously) turkey systematically offs each character and/or their parents. Ok, so it's not typical for parental murder in most slasher flicks, I'll give it that. Stretch those events over 60 minutes and there's not much more to the movie than that.

To wrap this up, here is a short list of things I learned in Thankskilling:

1. Groucho Marx masks fool everyone

2. A turkey's natural habitat is a tepee

3. Dispose properly of radioactive waste

4. Reading montages are awesome

5. Lie to your dad - he will love you

6. Nipple close-ups are not that great



My "Brain Cells Lost" rating for Thankskilling is 9 million out of a possible 10 million.

Hanging Chad

Ok, ok...I realize that that last post was quite biased and not really a review, but more like a tirade on the aural bereavement that was pumped into my ears. There was no real analysis of the tracks or of the content found in the recording. I just chaulked the whole thing up to ultimate suck and a good review should be less subjective. I apologize for the immaturity involved in that. The next one will actually be good and on something I can listen to.

Coming Soon:

Swan Songs

Artist: Hollywood Undead
Album: Swan Songs
Release Date: August 26, 2008
Label: A&M/Octane

Anonymity has been a stunt used by musicians for decades. Usually donned because the artist wants to be known for the music they create, not the name they belong to. In the case of the rap group, Hollywood Undead, it is not only used as an excuse to wear cool scary masks, but it serves as bulletproofing from semi-intelligent people.

Influences: "HOLLYWOOD California, Designer Jeans, Camo, Cigarettes, Mickey's 40's, Bud Ice, Pro Tools, OUR FANS, TATTOO'S, Cahuenga blvd, Pla-boy Liquor, THE POWERHOUSE, GETTIN ASS, partying, Subway Sandwiches, ,Hibbidy Hop, Shitty Society, Sidekicks, Freestyling, HXC, Brassknuckles, Riding Bikes Drunk." Not a single person, let alone a musician. Awesome.

Douchbaggery. That word sums up all aspects of Hollywood Undead. What does every song consist of? Parties, doing other dudes' girlfriends, and drinking a ton of beer. In fact, if you buy the edited version of the album, you miss half the lyrics.

I don't even think I need to review the actual music (if that's what you call it) on this album to give you an idea the travesty they conduct upon our ears (see influences.) If you'd like a shot of they lyrical prowess behind the masks, check this out.


When the thrill is gone, Hollywood Undead will only be remembered as a group of douchebags who rose a new generation of douchebags.


ALTERNATIVE:

Hieroglyphics - Full Circle
(or any group not rapping about their wieners)

Genesis

I started a blog over a year ago. I only wrote a few entries. I didn't feel like mind-dumping entries on how my day was or create a litany of complaints.

I will try something different.

I'm going to join the masses of other blogs critiquing music whilst offering superior opinion and compelling propositions. I'd also like this to become a forum for discovering new music -- a place where anyone can feel comfortable talking about the grandiose array of sounds at our fingertips.

Here's to a fresh start.